I don't have a point to this blog. Every once in a while I get an inspiration about the kind of amazing blog I'll write and how everyone will love it and want to read it. And, almost in the same amount of time that I've felt inspired, I lose inspiration because who am I kidding?
Nonetheless, when I ask the Universe or God or myself what should I do...WRITE. is the answer. WRITE period
I was so dedicated the first year of Winslow's life to write his blog, and I did, almost every single day. Then the economy crashed and survival mode set in, and I spent the last year and a half trying to be a Real Estate Agent, and now I'm trying to be a Real Estate Investor. I'm also trying to change my whole life.
My Native American name would be Girl Who is Ambitious, and that is why I started a blog entitled "Creative Rainbow Mother," because all of my life, I wanted to be everything but a mother. I didn't want to fit the stereotypes, I didn't want to lose my sense of adventure, I didn't want to lose myself.
I became a mother, and of course, I am in love with it, with my son, and I notice that the times my face looks the most beautiful are after the times when I've abandoned myself to play with him. It usually takes a good half an hour and a lot of mental talk to allow myself to fully engage in play with him.
In becoming a mother, my identity has struggled. What does a 35 year old mother look like? What should one look like? What does a 35 year old mother who doesn't really have a career, but desperately wants one, who is in school to gain one, who has managed to gather a lot of incredibly wealthy people in her life, but can't seem to create a buck for herself, look like?
Most every day, I look like like about 15 pounds over weight, blue jeans, same Gap shirt, different color, hair pulled back, tennis shoes or those other shoes that people where in the mountains wear.
I'm a cross between a creative person who loves make-up and hair and clothes and gorgeousness, and an earthy, wanna be natural beauty without any fuss.
But, I love being a mother, and I don't want to miss out on it because I'm busy trying to find my style and making a visioning board for what I want my life to look like.
In becoming a mother, I think I'm about to find myself, because as a mother, there's so much to write about, so much to discover about myself, and so much to capture.
I have a pen...if only I had a camera.
