I felt blurry today probably because I'm on day 2 of my pretend detox. There's a new organic, juice/food place up the street called Pomegranite, and I've decided they can shop for, store up and cook my new vegan diet. It's freed up a lot of time and stress for me. Thanks, guys.
After about 5 days of watching Winslow, I need a break. That makes me blurry too, and in all my effort to be present and to think of things for him to do, I fall short some days, and I say to myself, "Every day doesn't have to be amazing, does it?" Then I think back to when I was just over two years old and try to assess any damage that may have been done to me because each and every day wasn't full of amazing craft activities and experiments and flash cards to learn colors, numbers and ABCs in English and in Spanish.
So I gave myself a break and went through the day in a fog. Interestingly, as I reflect, I realize that it was indeed a special day, and here is why.
Winslow realized that he likes it when I rub his feet after I take off his shoes. He enjoyed the new sensation which, I imagine was as strange mixture of tickle and relax.
Winslow took off his own pants and diaper and shoes and shirt so that he could go potty by himself. He then ran around the yard naked pointing out Hansel's icky poop and making sure that I cleaned it up. He also had a few more Andre Agassi episodes.
He grooved his unique moves while eating a moonah, chicken and dried fruit at the gym. He dummda cah, which is always fun, chewed a big 'oh piece of gum, and to top it off, when it was time to brush his teeth for bed, he rather carefully selected eyeshadows and eyebrows (fake eyelashes), lipstick and other make-up items, and dressed my face in color. I was charmed, to say the least.
And I thought about what it must be like to be a child...think about never having been hurt, not having to worry about money or shelter or food or water, and every day you wake up to the world around you, which in Winslow's case, is just over 2 years old, and it must be like being on a vacation, all expenses paid, everything at your fingertips, everything intriguing, everything new and interesting and exciting, full of love and joy and bliss and really no shame for being fwustwated, and feeling free to throw your racket.
If that's what life is like for him, then I'll worry a little less about being the perfect mom and just dance next time he dances.
